There is a place I haven’t reached, but I want to go there. I’m painfully aware of all the distractions in my life, distractions that, for the most part, I have control over. Jesus, you have brought me through many such moments, when something is released and I step into a new place of intimacy with you. But the world calls. The world competes. Like a pack of hungry wolves, it encircles me, waiting for the moment my mind strays and lets the flesh take over. And then self takes the throne.
Yet because of your sweet mercy, I’m never unaware of your presence. I long for you, but I don’t always recognize it’s you that I’m longing for. I’m hungry to read everything I can about rest and peace and simplicity, about matters of the heart. Why, then, is it so hard to let go of my idols, the silly little things I think I need to fill the space in my heart that only you can fill?
You say in your Word, “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’ Therefore you will flee! You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses.’ Therefore your pursuers will be swift!” (Isaiah 30:15-16). This is the sobering truth: We make the choice, and we suffer the consequences. When you offer the very things I long for, why do I so often choose to be my own god? What am I afraid of?
Your Word says, “How gracious He will be when you cry for help! As soon as He hears, He will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it. Then you will desecrate your idols….and throw them away…’” (Isaiah 30:19-22).
This life isn’t permanent. Only you know how many days are ordained for me. I want to go to that place, the place where you are enough, and live there forever. So I come to you again, Lord. I surrender, but I need you to come and get me. I need your grace to say yes to you and no to the world, moment by moment. I know you are faithful. Thank you that you never stop pursuing me. Amen.